I put late in quote because marrying at 50 might be late to the society, but really it all depends on the individual. Not everyone is meant to come on earth and give birth or get married. Some are meant to live for others, change the world. In many cases, marriage, kids limit you. It’s not a sin to come to the world and go back single. Most people even get married and miss it. Miss their purpose and even miss the most important of it all– Heaven. While some are lucky, they get married and their husband/wife will change their lives for good and make them discover the reason they were created.
In this interview with Ademola Olonilua, tough lady, yes i call her tough, cus that’s how i see her (love them tough by the way, lol) speaks on being an Ojuelegba girl and what made her get married at 50! Love love her words… Enjoy!
How come you don’t feel shy to refer to yourself as an Ojuelegba girl?
There are some facts about your life that you cannot deny that they happened. I am a proof that irrespective of your background, you can make something out of your life. It shows that life is not only for people with a silver spoon. When I was growing up in Ojuelegba, it was a hip place, it is not what it looks like now. I don’t know why people are ashamed of having humble beginnings. That is who you are. You did not choose to be a part of the family, there must be a purpose for being born there. I would not be who I am if I grew up in some other place. Also, nowadays the hood is not hip; there is a global hit song dedicated to Ojuelegba. They now know it all over the world.
You got married at 50, weren’t you under any pressure by parents, family or the society?
But I find that the greatest challenge in life is going into an eternal plan without discovering who you really are and that is the challenge of getting people into getting married early in life. Most of the people who are being pushed to get married early are yet to discover themselves, they do not even know what they want in life, and they don’t know their vision, strengths or weaknesses. For me, I had always been an opinionated child, so I knew what I wanted so when my parents were putting pressure on me, all I told them was that I had heard them. I had always been very independent, so I made my own way. In life, if you know where you are going through, the path would be opened for you somehow. I knew that I did not just want to marry for marriage sake, I wanted to discover myself and understand my purpose on earth; God could not have put me in this world with this high amount of intelligence only for me to just exist; what the Bible calls ‘begat and die’. I was not even available for them to mount pressure on me because I was too busy. An aunt could see me and talk about marriage but the next time she would see me again was probably after a year. Usually, you feel the pressure if you are not engaged in something. I would not say that I am the average Nigerian girl.
But did you not have suitors?
Men were too afraid to toast me.
Only a few Nigerian men are confident and it is not their fault. The way they are brought up, a lot of pressure is put on them because they are men. We live in a patriarchal society where the men are worshipped and they start feeling like a demi-god, so they don’t have enough patience for women who are different. They feel that since we don’t think and act like them, we ought to occupy a particular role. They don’t have enough confidence in themselves to think that they can marry an articulate, intelligent, opinionated and bold woman. Their sense of worth is derived from their ego and for them to live with a woman, she must be their subordinate. A woman can have more than the man but if he appreciates the lady as a human being and appreciates her person, he should be able to balance their life. A lot of men found me intimidating.
What made your husband different from the other suitors?
We still talk about it and he told me that he was attracted to me because of my intelligence which is what scares most men. He is probably more intelligent than I am; when we start arguing, I hardly win the case.
Why did you have a secret wedding?
I got married at 50, what is there to be loud about? Half of my life is gone, so what is there to be loud and noisy about? I don’t place emphasis on marriage like the average Nigerian person does. All the drama of marriage is not my main priority; instead I am thinking of how we can build a home together. The process of doing the marriage was just a ceremony. I have had weddings for my nephews and nieces and they were lavish but they are young and about to start their lives, so you can understand the euphoria. I have passed that euphoria, so what is the essence? I had some friends present at my wedding and that is what matters.